Sunday, 10 February 2013

No Wedding Bells

So, we've been engaged now for a little under 22 months. When we were first engaged we were in a position where we could change our lifestyle slightly and start saving with relative ease. We planned on saving as quickly as possible and getting married within a year to 18 months at the very latest, we had everything planned and I had even bought myself a vintage tiara and designed the wedding invites. Because of where we wanted to get married we wouldn't actually be able to book anything until a maximum of 7 months before the date - this turned out to be very, very lucky.

A couple of months after we made our plans we were forced to move to the other end of the country. We were the victims of a both a very violent attack and a fraud scam which left us with absolutely nothing. Now, don't get me wrong, neither of us are silly but we lost a lot of money through very careful scammers (who we discovered played the same scam on three other couples at the same time) and desperation at needing to get out of a difficult situation caused by the person who inflicted the attack on my fiance. Moving meant that we had to leave our jobs, our home, our friends and my family behind - we had nothing. On top of that my fiance was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder and we basically entered the hardest time of our lives ever.

So obviously this meant that there were no wedding bells chiming at any point in the near future. I'm still pin, pin, pinning away on pinterest with wedding ideas and thinking of lots of pretty things but there won't be a wedding any time soon.

Now things are changing again. We're having a baby (woohoo!) and, although we're not religious, I had hoped to be married before the baby was born. Realistically, we probably wouldn't be able to afford a wedding (even a little registrar office wedding) anyway but it is something we're thinking about. But I can't help thinking that if I get married with a bump everyone will think that I'm getting married because of the bump and that isn't something I want. What do you think about it?

I guess it doesn't really matter. I know that we're in love, I know that one day we will get married and I know that regardless of when that day is, our baby will be part of a strong, happy family, full of laughter and love. That's what really matters.

On a side note: I said once that I'm scared of who will read this blog and what they'll think about me because of what I write. I think I'm over that. Although I don't want to give you all the gory details of everything that has ever happened or the effects they have, I think it's important to explain why I think the way I do about certain things. So I'm going to try and talk about things. Maybe it will help? Getting all the bad stuff out can only leave room for the good surely. And we deserve some good.

Saturday, 9 February 2013


So I kinda, sorta, might have (just a little bit) forgotten about this blog!


Well, like I said in a previous post (way back in June 2012 I think!) I'd been a little bit down and not very happy about things. That didn't change for quite a while and then things got much, much (muchmuchmuchmuch) better and I just didn't think about blogging.

My bad.

So! What's been happening? Well firstly my gorgeous fiance got a small compensation packet from a rather horrific incident. It was a little bittersweet at first because it really didn't reflect the amount of trauma he went through and the subsequent post traumatic stress disorder he required treatment for, but he saw the positive side of it and decided to treat us to a much needed holiday! This was in September and made such a big difference for us! Getting away from all of our problems, if only for a short time, left us with a much more positive outlook on things and quite possibly lead to the biggest, best news I could every report...

We're having a baby!!

I couldn't be happier, I really couldn't!

Just over a year ago I was told by a rather nasty doctor that I wouldn't be able to have children. He then sent me to a consultant who said in no uncertain terms that he 'shouldn't be giving that kind of advice without first consulting one of the many books in his office' and he sent a letter to the doctor in question telling him as much. Now, some might say that the consultant should have waylaid my fears and all should have been peachy - it wasn't. I was terrified that I wouldn't have children, wouldn't be able to have the life I've dreamed of. With all the other things I'd been through this was just another thing that would ruin my life. This fear has been in the back of my mind for thirteen months, thirteen months until I realised that I was two weeks late...two weeks! Three tests and a lot of crying later and I realised that I was pregnant! I was actually going to have a baby. Happy, ecstatic, overjoyed...words really do not describe it!

The best thing is my fiance is just as happy as I am. In fact, I've not seen him this happy in a very, very long time. To see his face light up whenever he talks about our future baby makes my heart glow (wow that's soppy but oh so true).

So...without further ado...drumroll....please meet:

Baby Collins - 12+4 at time of picture (14+5 at time of writing)!

So now I think I know the direction this blog may take (if I don't forget about it again!). Although I guess I could be cheeky and say that, technically, I did make this baby :) With a little help of course!

It's all change for us again, we're moving away from this horrid place we were forced to move to last year. We're moving back to my hometown, back to where we have more opportunities and back to my family which should make things a lot easier for us. There is no substitute for your own mum at times like these is there?